Today’s run: a mundane 3-miles, final movement of Mahler 7. Eh.
It’s been sort of a rough week. My job as it now exists is on shaky grounds, simply because we are losing one of the gov’t contracts that I work on. My firm is keeping me on but I am worried that there will not be enough work for me to do. This might end up being a blessing in disguise, as I have been wanting to move to 100% criminal defense work for a while now, and I have also been looking for a job closer to home (I drive a really, really long way to get to work. I have a very fuel efficient car, and my firm is very flexible with me, so it’s not all bad, but it’s still a really, really long drive). I’ve put in a few calls to some firms closer to home who might be looking for a part-time defense attorney. We’ll see what happens.
Then, there’s the whole general-discontent-with-life funk that visits me every few months. Although I try really hard not to actively complain about living in the south, and try to make the most of it, I really would rather be back up north. Day to day, my life is pretty okay here. However, I just don’t want to live here long-term. I think it’s really more of a rural-urban thing than a north-south thing; I might feel less downtrodden and discouraged if I lived in a southern city as opposed to the country. Regardless, it seems that we are here for at least the time being. We have been trying to move back up north, but it’s not something we can do without jobs, and jobs are pretty darn hard to come by these days.
At times like these I wish I had a better attitude about living in the south. At times I’m pretty disparaging about southerners. There are some very nice things about southern culture – people ARE friendly, and they are family-oriented – but it’s not the culture in which I grew up, so it’s hard to see those good things as being ‘valuable’ enough to me to outweigh what I see as the negatives of the south. We do not live in an area that seems to value intellectual challenge/rigor/curiousity, or artistic/cultural endeavors, or invites the critical examination of viewpoints other than one’s own. It is just a very closed-in, limited area. Many of the people here have never – NEVER – travelled outside of the county, let alone the state. That has been a hard adjustment for me. It’s hard to find friends here, because I don’t have much in common with most of the people I run into. Yes, I could probably learn some lessons in how to be more laid-back and go-with-the-flow from the people I meet, but again, it’s just too hard for me to aspire to that, because it’s just not what I’m used to. One thing I’m scared of is how accustomed I’m becoming to things/statements/attitudes that should shock and appall me. I’m worried that although I am able to ‘know better’ and be discerning about such things, my girls will grow up amongst such attitudes and will have a harder time seeing them as something not to be desired. I don’t want to be the stereotypical northern elitist snob, but it is just HARD living somewhere that you just don’t really feel comfortable in. I know, I have it so much better than so many other people, and I really should not complain. That’s why, as I stated in the beginning of this, I try hard NOT to complain. Every few months, though, I get in this dire “we’re stuck here for the rest of our lives” rut, and get all sad about not being in the north (or at least in an urban area…). I admit that this definitely became a lot harder once we had kids. Like I said, I can ignore/filter out/respond constructively and appropriately to the racist/homophobic/religious/anti-intellect/generally judgmental comments I hear, but I truly fear for my children. They will either become complacent, or will be picked on as the obnoxious, outspoken, hippie-commie-wierdo-kids. Sigh. (And yes, I have been called all of those things and more.) All I can do for now is hope and hope that we will someday soon be able to find our way back up north.
On to less depressing and more uplifting things…..I have some really exciting bread in the oven – cinnamon-roll bread! I am totally thrilled about it. I will blog about it tomorrow. I meant to take pictures of it before putting it in the oven but I can’t find our camera (I am choosing to blame the kids for this, rather than my poor house-keeping skills 🙂 )
I made this tofu scramble the other night for dinner. It’s good for breakfast or dinner, actually. I know every vegan cook on the planet makes tofu scramble, so there’s really nothing novel here, but it’s a decent recipe.
1 tablespoon oil (I never actually measure it; I just pour it in the cast iron skillet.)
1/2 onion, finely chopped
1/2 teaspoon cumin seeds, or 1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon mustard seeds
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
1 zucchini, finely chopped
1 pound fresh firm tofu, water squeezed out and crumbled
salt to taste
Saute the onion in the oil. When it is soft, add the spices and cook for a few minutes. Add the zucchini and cook until it is lightly browned. Add the crumbled tofu and cook until warmed through.
You can add spinach instead of zucchini; you can add garlic, nutritional yeast, whatever you like. It is a very basic and forgiving recipe.
I DID take pictures, but again, the lost camera….sigh.